Month: September 2020

the thing is…

the thing is….

we couldn’t predict what it would feel like
to be inside all the time
not touching except with our eyes
inside homes
inside heads
isolated in our individual lives
zoom connection that felt like the stuff of the new millennium
is how how we desperately connect
our world is funneled through a
thirteen inch Brady bunch screen
masks cover our expressions in real life
the world outside spells danger
in viruses, violence and ubiquitous smoke
when will it lift you ask?
the thing is…
…it won’t

Thank you Seema Reza for your work with us on Community Building Art Works. The writing group for healthcare workers has been so nurturing and inspiring, giving me hope through these dark days


moving forward

I feel like I have been holding my breath for six months. As the pandemic continues amidst political upheaval and controversy; we are learning more about COVID19, about how we function as a society under stress, and about what is really necessary in our lives. I struggle everyday, trying to keep my spirits up in isolation. I am trying to stay positive as the mishandling of our public health unfolds in front of me. I am grateful that I still have a job, and that it is a job I love, even with the challenges we face working in the ER during a pandemic. Trying to stay healthy in these times is becoming more difficult, the fires all up and down the west coast keep us inside with windows and doors sealed. The record heat waves have us sweltering and COVID keeps us out of the usual refuges of the movies, the mall and the beach. COVID also keeps us isolated from family and friends (though we expanded our little pod to occasionally include our children visiting.) I can easily fall into a melancholy despair, I fight against it every day. I joined a writing group online for healthcare workers that has been fantastic at opening up a creative outlet for my experiences. I started guitar lessons online after years of playing and now have some direction and focus to my playing. I have been knitting and knitting and reading so many books and watching so many movies and documentaries giving rise to great conversations with my partner and our families and friends. We are living in such a strange mind blowing time.

Knitting gives me so much joy, I love making things, learning new techniques, handling the beautiful yarns, enjoying the feel and the colors. I joined a knit along for a pattern I bought last spring called Moving Forward Wrap. It seems appropriate for the time, an arrow shaped wrap with a variety of lace and garter stitches. I happened to have a great yarn in my stash just waiting for a project, a lovely handpainted merino wool sock yarn from Knit Picks. I look forward to sharing in the zoom calls and online group as we all make this wrap together and contemplate moving forward out of this dark pandemic, heat, fire, protests, political disaster, into a new world where we are more kind, authentic and caring with each other.