Reflecting about the winter solstice and went back to this post I wrote so many years ago. I think it is time to revive this tradition and make it one of our regulars. Our lives have scattered since then, the boys are grown, and Rose is about to fly. We need more traditions to keep us bound. Move into the light.
I haven’t posted for a month, some of you have been checking in to see how we are doing and I really appreciate that. I struggle with posting, these have been dark days. I have been sad, angry, resentful, weak, lost, melancholy, resigned, and unmotivated. I have had to force myself to finish the work for the three classes I was taking, I think it helped to have that to focus on, it gave my brain something to do. December 13, I was done and my friends were all asking how it felt to be done with school for the semester, and I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t really feel anything, I expected to feel relieved and lighter but I didn’t. I felt empty, and pressured by expectations that seemed meaningless. I am still mourning my Dad, Brian is still looking for work and we are living with uncertainty. Then…
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t to have the experience of living in a completely different environment than sunny CA. Neither Brian nor I could go with him to get him settled in and Pat was anxious to be independent and get there on his own. He originally wanted to take Amtrak cross country to get there, but we convinced him that the likelihood of delays would make that an unreliable way to get to college! He got there with all his stuff and moved into the dorm and immediately got involved with his new life. That is Pat, he is gregarious and friendly and gets right into the social scene. That first weekend we waited for a call from him to let us know how he was doing, I knew he was there because he sent a text that said he had arrived safely, however we didn’t hear any more after that. So I sent him a text asking him to call when he had a little time. No answer. Then I tried calling him, no answer and his voicemail wasn’t set up yet. So I sent another text. (Pat is usually good about at least responding with a word or two to a text message) but no answer. By this time it was Sunday afternoon and we were beginning to wonder. I imagined that he lost his phone so I emailed him asking him to call us collect if he had to, just check in with us. No answer. Brian imagined something had happened to him and urged me to call campus police to go over to his dorm and make sure he was alright. (Note that Brian wasn’t going to call campus police but urged ME to do it). I resisted and started combing the William and Mary website for another way to check on him. I called the residence hall office but of course they were closed, it WAS Sunday night and VA is 3 hours ahead. But I found the email listing for all the RA’s in the dorms, found his RA and emailed him asking him to go tell Pat to call his parents! An hour later Pat finally called us, his RA hadn’t talked to him yet, so he had no idea we were worried. We were cool though, happy to hear from him and made like we weren’t ready to call out th
e National Guard. He was having a great time with all the orientation activities, and just hadn’t gotten around to calling. We felt ridiculous, but urged him to just call us every weekend to let us know how things were going. And he has done that. I reminded him that it is hard to suddenly let go, and while I do trust that he can take care of himself, I AM his mother and will always wonder what he is doing and where he is. So on my first break from school I used up my United miles and flew out to VA to see him for myself.
the time I have been browsing around the colonial vill